about the ants.

this look of consternation? that's because of the ants.

there were five on the windowsill. the first night. 
about two nights ago.

i thought i'd deal with them in the morning. 

then in the morning they were all over the wood floor. 
many. many, many. 

even some in the kitchen.

tonight i found a whole slew on my dresser. 
my dresser for goodness sake!


i'm not okay with this.

i have cucumber peels on the window sill. 
and cucumber peels on the floor. 
but there is no discernible trail to speak of.

traps are next. 

better ants than maggots.

i had maggots once. 

my first apartment.

three in the morning. insomnia. 
reorganizing room. move bed.


product of dead bird just outside my room.
 in the space where the air conditioner could of gone. 
the space that should have been covered. 
dead pigeon in fact. 
do you know that pigeons really do mate for life.
 loyal little lovers they are.

at the time i didn't know it was a dead bird. 
i didn't know what could have brought the maggots. 
so i threw out an old pair of sneakers. 

green sneakers. huge emotional attachment. 

maggots trump emotional attachment. 

i killed each one. each maggot. 
at three in the morning. all by myself. 
all by my lonesome. 

never have i wanted a boyfriend more.
 but need a boyfriend? nope.
 i took care of them, no boy

i'd rather have ants than maggots. 
but ants move faster. 
and they seem to multiply.

what to do...what to do...
more room cleaning tonight...

explanation of above photo:
(wish her luck on defending the
thesis for her MFA)

tagged me. 

Take a picture of yourself right now.
No preparing or primping.
Load the picture on your blog.
Tag some people to play along.

Well, I'm a little late in responding, 
but no primping was done. In fact this
is after a seven hour shift. And 
I didn't photoshop (sweet lord
above--never again will
you see unaltered photos)

your turn...
Thao at Prosecco and Lemonade who's getting married soon
Veronica at There's a Holiday Every Day--giving us a reason to celebrate, always
and Sarah-Lucy at My Brave New World--her writing is just that, brave indeed

about *him*

last week i found the following:

After working a fundraiser at Mongolian BBQ -complete with the cheap hat, apron tied around his armpits (he's tall), and hair curling in every direction from the heat of the grill-- he gave me the slow look over, winked, and said "you know you like a man in uniform."

He dresses for his own entertainment. He showed up at my door wearing a pink paisley tie, vest, and a newsies cap. And he looked good.

I was falling asleep leaning against a wall- waiting for his friends to decide which bar to go to. He opened his arms and gave me a look. I stared at him blankly. "HUG ME." I walked up to him and dropped my head into his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. One of his friends commented that technically, I still wasn't hugging him. "I know. This is hug rape."

Last summer, he was bored. He then completed the Burning River 100 Mile Endurance Run. During the run, he hallucinated and a saw miniature horse and then a koala bear waving at him.

He gave me dancing lessons in Kohls. The dances included tango, waltz, and polka (to name a few). I think the polka was his favorite.

He once asked me if I would like to smell Egypt. I now know what Egypt smells like. There were no bodily functions involved.

After he does anything especially dorky- he'll look over at me, make sure he has my attention, then say, quite seriously, "you like me" while pointing at his chest. He thinks he's reminding me... like I could've forgotten.

i found it here, on technical support. isn't it perfect? it's entitled "about *him*"--doesn't *him* sound delicious?

it prompted the following letter:

dear husband-to-be,

i would like to smell egypt.




i found this beautiful poem written by la chrysomele reveuse's Dia and just had to share it with you all...

I woke up with a sweet pain in my left arm.

I thought the vernal sun beams mistook their way to the soul,
trying to sneak in.
But when I touched the burning skin
I felt long delicate strands protruding.
Thin strands throbbing in the rhythm of my heart.
Touching them didn't hurt,
but gave me an agonizing feeling of longing.
And I remembered that these last two days
we stood close to each other, our arms touching.
Adventitious roots are growing to reach you.

a feeling i know so well in words i wish i had written.
and on another note: i cannot thank you all enough for your kind words, insightful thoughts, unbelievably touching comments--they mean more then you may ever know. i cherish my memories. i love them all, even the bad ones. and i thank God each day for this because i can't imagine a more agonizing death than simply ceasing to feel. 

photo found here; and they found it on flickr