9 ways I know I'm growing up

in

1. I've given up soda. Not entirely, but almost. Benefits: I'm not filling my body with chemicals (well, not in this form anyway) and think of all the money saved! Now when I get the hankering for that soda rush, I reach for the water bottle.

2. I've put my beloved Prada bag up for sale on ebay. It's a matter of cash flow. I needmoney flowing in. And when I prance around Manhattan, so uber chic, with my Prada bag swinging in the wind, money tends to flow out...and out...and out.
3. I have three jobs. One involves going to birthday parties and teaching kids to assemble robots. Ahhh,  the things we do when we're just starting out.
4. I'm replacing my self imposed egoic image of fearful, with fearless. Fearless. A good word. A good way to live. I wear the word like a tramp stamp on my lower back (metaphorically, of course).
5. I've given up Starbucks. I know, I know...I didn't think I'd ever see the day either, but it's now.  No more mint mocha chip frappucino lights. And I'll never go back. Not ever. Because just one sip and the addiction will begin again. For the first time, all over again.
6. I dealt with the insurance today.
7. Today I assuaged my long suffering throat with orange juice (dietary concerns be gone!) and assorted berries (including blueberries, which I loathe) instead of the much preferred, cool, transiently soothing, but oh-so-good Tasti-Delite. That's the next addiction to go. I can feel my wallet growing already from all the money saved.
8. I ran errand, after errand, after errand. And wrote email, after email, after email.
9. And at the end of the day I thought, my life is my own. And I don't know that I've ever fully possessed a more beautiful phrase in all my life.

Tonight it took a good hour to get the baby to sleep.

in

Bottle. Burp. Bounce. Bottle. Burp. Bounce. Sway from side to side. Try not to lose my mind.

And as I stood there bouncing away, the little baby in constant motion on my chest, hollering and swinging her head all about, I started to cry too. And I didn't know why. But somehow her determination to rattle at the top of her lungs gave me permission to loosen my grip--just a wee bit--on something I didn't even know was in me.

I think I'm gonna need ice cream on the way home.
That's okay. Right?

Tomorrow I will be 23 years and one week old and I am happy.

in
Because I bought the most gorgeous pair of black boots today. Meaning, my tattered and well-worn brown boots that I once loved so much are hidden away in the back of a closet in Montclair, because I finally came to agree with my mom: they're not so cute on. Style trumps comfort? I'm growing up indeed.
Because my room is blue. And mine. And I've done it all myself. Okay...so maybe Rob put the Ikea furniture together...but I've done it all by myself almost.
Because I'm learning that the any emotion that lives within us at any one given moment never has a problem being there. It's our unwillingness to coexist with it and explore it that creates the tension. So when I'm sad...the sadness within is not anything other than just exactly what it is. And its okay to let it chill there for a little while. Because while it is in me, it is not of me. Confusing? I know...I gotta get better at explaining it. And accepting it. And living it.
Because I'm figuring everything out. Which means it will all change in no time.
Because after reading Naomi's post about spooking herself, my bag of hangers fell over (of their own volition) and I near jumped out my skin. Imagine that last phrase said in a deep twang of a Texas accent.
Because my bangs are finally growing! Which means the rest of it must too, right? Even if it's still red?
Because I saw the cutest guy on the subway today. Wearing white converse tennies. And he smiled at me and I smiled back. And then got embarrassed because I couldn't stop smiling. And I think I fell a little bit in love right there in that moment. Resolution Fall In Love a Hundred Times a Day...well on its way, thank you very much. Sometimes (and that's a very qualified sometimes) the one train is worth it.
Because I live in the epicenter of one of NYC's many great singles' meccas. And I love it. Turns out I really do love NY. Alot. I'd just been living in the wrong place the last four years. So now I'm falling in love with NY for the very first time, all over again.
Mmmmm...yes, this is right.