happy birthday dad

Today is my father's birthday. It's a big one.

I don't know if he'd want me to say, which one.

Oh hell...he's turning 60. 

And I think that's pretty amazing.

Because the truth is...my dad is my dad. 

And I love him so much. And I love him even when the words don't come easy.

"His hair turned gray that winter. I thought it was snow.  He promised us that everything would be OK. I was a child, but I knew that everything would not be OK.  That did not make my father a liar.  It made him my father."

"Gerald smiled at me in the rearview mirror and asked if we wanted any music. I asked him if he had any kids. He said he had two daughters...'Are they both special?' He cracked up and said, 'Of course their pop is gonna say they're special.' 'But objectively.' 'What's that?' 'Like, factually. Truthfully.' 'The truth is I'm their pop.'

from extremely loud and incredibly close

party, party

Last night a few things happened. And this is how I know I'm growing and getting better.

1. I went to a party because I said I would. Even though it was late. And I was tired. Even though it would have been easier to stay home. But I think it's important to live up to your word. 

2. A guy there told me and my absolutely gorgeous friend, how lovely it is to see girls who look healthy. Ned tried to interpret this word as fat. I told Ned he was wrong. And so I actually took the complement as just that, a complement. 

And while I do really like my friends (most of whom are actors), when the conversation turned to exercise fads and nutrition plans after only twenty minutes, I quietly excused myself and walked to the kitchen to join a different conversation. And I was reminded why exactly I took a year to make health my priority.

I'm winning the war my friends. I am.

Not sure who Ned is? Check my sidebar.

Happy Hunting!

photo via LIFE

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this is just to say...

I'm feeling impossibly happy today.

Of course. "Life is impossible." Of course. But how lucky we are to get a crack at it.

I'm drinking chocolate milk out of the mug my father gave me for my birthday that reads, 

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. -Thoreau

And I'm eating Cool Whip out of my hand. 

And I'm so impossibly thankful to know you all. 

of course.

"Why do you think you're here, Oskar?""I'm here, Dr. Fein, because it upsets my mom that I'm having an impossible time with my life." "Should it upset her?" "Not really. Life is impossible." 

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

by Jonathan Safran Foer

i've never read anything more heartbreaking and funny and beautiful all at once. in fact, i think it may just be the most genius thing i've ever read. 

ever. 

book club updates coming soon...

sometimes...

sometimes...my past seems more inviting than my future. because it’s known. what i wouldn’t give to be the eight year old who survived on boxcar children and goldfish, who built forts and gave tea parties, who believed in kissing her bears goodbye each morning. sometimes i wonder if I took a misstep somewhere. and if with that misstep I’m failing my eight-year-old self. i wonder if there’s any going back. 

but then, sometimes...i have brief, fleeting moments of clarity. And I know. i know that the best is yet to come. that my days of forts and tea parties are not over. that love, as i know it, is only the beginning. and that there are no missteps, no wrong turns. that every good day, every bad, every right decision, every wrong, will lead me to exactly where i’m meant to be.

photos via ffffound

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