lets talk about food for a second. (and why i think the nyc calorie count law is not a good idea)

disclaimer: this information is not perfect.
it is rather, in my own words, as i understand it.
 
 
 
when i first met with dr. tom about, oh, a year-and-a-half ago, he said: no food is bad. no calorie is bad. calories keep us going. and if you're starving the calories in a twinkie are just as capable as saving your life as the calories in an avocado.
 
and then he went on to say, calories do not carry equal weight (no pun intended. well, kind of intended).
what he meant was this: if you are eating normally (not starving yourself) it is perfectly reasonable to sit down and have a dinner consisting of 3,000 calories. the body, because it is fed enough each day, recognizes the unnecessary influx of calories and disposes of them quickly (essentially, the body doesn't need the calories, so it doesn't use them). meaning, after that luxurious and indulgent dinner, you might wake up in the middle of the night sweating (one of the ways in which the body rids itself of the calories quickly and painlessly). this is not to say that a 3,000+ calorie dinner should be consumed on a daily or even (relatively) regular basis.
i'm not sure i can list all of the many steps i've undertaken in order to come to terms with and overcome (still working on this) my eating disorder. i do know  i have had a different focus (or priority) for each week. one week i made going to the gym a top priority. the next i tried to eat my food slowly. another, i drank copious amounts of water.
however, from the very start i armed myself with knowledge and we all know they say knowledge is power and the thing is, they're right.
so nyc passed a health provision requiring restaurants with 15+ outlets nationwide to post the caloric information on the menu in the same font and size as the item itself. so they're arming us with information. good, right? well, the thing is, they're arming us with the information they want us to have. calories are not the only (or even most important) factor, but counting calories feeds (pun definitely intended) into the billion dollar diet industry quite nicely.
so, this is what i know. and this is why i believe calorie counting to be detrimental. eating less than 1,800 calories a day (over any consistent and extended period of time) is a way of starving your body. and it literally changes the way the body responds to food--the pleasure center shifts. suddenly sweets become much more appealing (because they have more calorie per square inch and since the body knows you want give it as much food as it needs, it tries to get the most bang for its buck). this is not to say a person who eats normally doesn't have about 1,200 calories some days. but the next they might have 2,200. the body balances it out. the body figures it out. the body is always maneuvering this tight-rope act and the body does not like when we get in it's way. because, guess what? the body is smarter than we are.
i did weight watchers and ate about 1,000 calories a day. that's what they told me to do. i lost a lot of weight. and my poor body went into shock. i have spent four years trying to recover from those two months.
i lost my period immediately. i told many a doctor about this. each told me not to worry. not one of them thought to look at my diet.
i tried the cookie diet. i ate about 800 calories a day.
these are diets recommended by doctors. monitored by doctors. what's wrong with this picture?
in the end i don't even know how many fads and diets and tricks and torments i put my body through. these are the things i don't really talk about. these are the things that bring me shame.
when i did the cookie diet (for all of about a week--and to this day i can't even stomach the smell of balsamic vinegar, which i put on a bed of greens each night) i had to have several tests to ensure my body was up for it. the cost of the tests showed up on my insurance. that year when i retuned home for summer vacation, my mother pulled out the sheet and asked me what had happened (the cost, but not the details had been disclosed). honestly, i think she feared i'd aborted a pregnancy. that was a low point.
so the government wants to deal with the issue of obesity? thank god, they need to deal with it. unfortunately they might just be going about it in the wrong way.
want to lose weight? honestly, do you want to count calories everyday for the rest of your life? if you can't honestly say yes, then it's never going to work. instead, eat real food. unprocessed food. fruits and vegetables and meat. foods that when you see the list of ingredients you can pronounce each one. wanna know why you should avoid mcdonalds? let me give you a hint...its not the 540 calories in a thing of fries, it's all the chemicals you can't pronounce. you want to know why the government isn't pushing this? because it would obliterate the food industry as we know it.
dr. bob constantly gives this advice when interviewed for magazines and newspapers. his articles are published about 1/3 of the time. why so infrequently? because what he says stands in direct opposition to the advertisements that keep these publications afloat--you know, diet ads and potato chip ads and the like?
do you see now, it's a political issue. with the government fighting the lobbyists and no real change in sight.
so it's up to you. arm yourself with information. figure out what works best for you and your family. if you have a meal that by itself is over the daily recommended intake, don't sweat it, because (guess what) if your eating normally you're body will sweat it out for you. no harm done.

i am thankful...

for monday morning tea parties. 




for witty friends. funny friends. imaginative friends. beautiful friends. grounding friends. friends with roots. new friends



for laughter, laughter, and always more laughter. 



for a morning out and about exploring the city we've loved for so long. 



oh yeah and...

  • for the nesting itch which results in such things as fresh dresser knobs and a beautiful vase from housing works
  • for any and all musicals pertaining to history (ragtime, assassins). i told you, history turns me on...i'm not sure why, it just does. 
  • for beautiful undergarments that can make a girl feel lovely.
  • for the twenty-five minutes i was able to jog on the treadmill last night (especially, especially for this. the pool is closed for the month of september {getting a really good clean following summer season} and so i've been forced back to the gym. i never ever thought i'd jog for a continuous fifteen minutes (i hate running). but i did. last night, i did. and then i jogged for ten more. and so i just might not. hate it, that is).
  • for the feeling that something really good is happening right now. that my life is moving forward. i don't know how or what or where or why. i just know that i am right where i need to be.
  • that i am happy. 

bike as a means of (spiritual) movement.


i've been in a funky mood.

i haven't been sleeping

i'm always hungry, but have no appetite.

must be mercury in retrograde.

so tonight, after spending hours doing nothing but cleaning tables (which often feels more like an exercise in how many times i can allow my bottom to be put in a compromising position {all the crouching, bending over, and stretching} yes, again, the parent's are so proud), i reminded myself again and again and again that "all great deeds and all great thoughts have ridiculous beginnings".

and then, in an attempt to cheer myself, i took to folding and unfolding my bike over and over and over again.



gotta practice for tomorrow's inaugural ride. 


us southern gals.

my parents and i have two rules regarding my blog. 


or rather, i have two rules for them.

1. they are in no way to suggest or dictate blog content

and 

2. sometimes what i write about so openly here, i am not yet ready to speak about over the phone (something about the violence of articulation). and so the phrase, but you blogged about it, why can't we talk about it, is never to be employed

i should tell you these rules are rarely adhered to. 

and it drives me a bit batty.

however, tonight after sifting through the contents of a package that winged its way from home, i found an article from southern journal with a post-it attached, that read: thought you would enjoy this. blog material? 

and well, mom, on this night, i bow down to you and say yes, yes, a million times yes. you have handed me blogging gold (or at least something to think about)

i'm on my sixth year of new york city living. and sometimes home seems worlds away.

my parents, both native new yorkers (my dad from the bronx and my mom from upstate), moved to houston just two months before i was born. and they raised me in a house that often viewed the ways of the south with a weary eye. however, after twenty-four years, they have completely assimilated (well, almost--my father still cannot pronounce an "h" to save his life, ask him to say houston and it comes out u-ston).

now texas isn't really the south--it's something altogether alien--but there are roots there that spread from our dry soil into georgia and virginia and tennesse--there are commonalities that bind us. i used to say growing up in texas taught me a lot about the kind of person i did not want to be (staunch republican, no thanks. big hair, unh-uh). but living in new york has provided a distance that proved enlightening. i am a product of my youth. and my youth was played out in a northern household planted firmly on the flat, arid texas land.  i am grateful to be a texan--or some version of one.

today at work one of my co-workers turned her head to me and said, that guy over there is so cute, and i knew exactly what she meant. i had noticed him immediately because he was donning the popular southern hairstyle that i will call the kennedy comb-over (and you know how i feel about the kennedys, so this is in no way a bad thing). confused? don't be. i've provided the following pictures to illustrate my point.

exhibit a:


exhibit b:

exhibit c:

exhibit a: pretty self-explanatory

exhibit b and c: i uploaded these two photos taken during my brother's graduation from the university of virginia. (he might kill me for doing this, or he might be tickled to no end. let's hope for the latter). in exhibit b my brother's lovely friend in the red shirt is wearing the style extremely well. and in exhibit c the boy in the yellow polo (back row, far left) as well as the boy in the green polo (back row, center) are two perfect examples). 

my enjoyment of the kennedy comb-over (rarely seen north of the mason-dixon line) is just one of the ways i know i am rooted in the south. it is derived from years in high school worshipping the upper-classmen who wore the hairstyle day-in and day-out, melting the hearts of many a fifteen-year-old. 

im getting off track. on to the article my mother sent me (with my own commentary interjected, apologies the original author, Amy):

15 Ways to Charm Her
Want to impress a Southern girl? Just think "What would my grandfather have done?"
By Amy Bickers

Number one: We still expect you to give up your seat for a lady. On a bus, at a bar, on a train . . . we don't care where you are. Unless you are at a restaurant and the only lady in sight is the one taking your order, stand up. Now.

On a recent Friday night at a bustling restaurant bar, two friends and I waited for our table to be called. The barstools were occupied so we stood patiently, sipping wine and chatting about the workweek. When a couple nearby stood up, another woman - who had been there less time than we had - swooped in, reaching across us to put her purse on the stool. This isn't the worst part. It's what happened next: her male companion then slid onto the other barstool.

Hang on while I do a geography check. Are we not in the South? If ladies are waiting for a seat and you have a Y chromosome, do you sit down? No, sir. No, you do not.

We know modern life is confusing. The roles of men and women have evolved over the years. As Pink once sang, "Shorty got a job, Shorty got a car, Shorty can pay her own rent."

But come on, let's keep some things old-school. My late grandfather - he of the East Texas upbringing, U.S. Navy captain status, and Cary Grant good looks - would never have allowed a woman to stand while he sat. And if you want a Southern woman to love you, neither will you. So, men, here's a short list of things Southern girls still expect from you.

We still expect you to . . .

[ONE] Stand up for a lady. Actually, this doesn't just involve chairs.

[TWO] Know that the SEC has the best football teams in the nation. Big 12 fan? Hmm, perhaps you should keep walking. {honest to goodness, even i don't know what this means. i loathe football (and in this way i am not texan at all).}

[THREE] Kill bugs. Delta Burke as Southern belle Suzanne Sugarbaker on Designing Women said, "Ya know . . . when men use Women's Liberation as an excuse not to kill bugs for you? Oh, I just hate that! I don't care what anybody says, I think the man should have to kill the bug!" {living in new york has taught me to kill many a bug (maggots included), but i'll never be that far from my three-year-old-self who saw a cockroach and could not be consoled by the babysitter (the poor girl had to call her mother to come over). so yes, the bug-killing skill is a major boon.}

[FOUR] Hold doors open. {i did once date a guy who told me i expected this simply because i'm from the south, but i just figured it was common courtesy. i like to think wherever i was raised i should expect this--we all should.}

[FIVE] Fix things or build stuff. I once watched in awe as my stepfather built a front porch on the house he shares with my mother. He knew just what to do, cutting every notch, hammering every nail. The project was complete by sunset.

[SIX] Wear boots occasionally. Not the fancy, I-paid-$1000-for-these kind. We're talking about slightly mud-crusted, I-could-have-just-come-in-from-the-field boots. {so true, there's an unexplainable appeal. swoon.}


[EIGHT] Grill stuff.

[NINE] Call us. If you want to ask us out, don't text and don't email. Pick up the phone and use your voice.

[TEN] Stand when we come back to the dinner table. "Just a little half-stand is enough to make me melt," my friend Stephanie says.

[ELEVEN] Pull out our chairs. Wait, that's not all. Scoot them back in before we hit the floor.

[TWELVE] Pay the tab on the first few dates. "If you ask me out, you pay," Stephanie says. "If I ask you out, you should still pay." Listen, guys, it's just simpler this way. {i've now dated two men who never offered to pay for anything. ever (even after i paid for a few things) and yes, i know they were struggling for many, but so was i. and it wasn't really so much about the money as the offer. what, he couldn't spare two dollars for my hot dog? before the start of summer i went out with a guy who paid for the meal as well as after-dinner-drinks and it made all the difference in the world.}

[THIRTEEN] Don't show up in a wrinkled, untucked shirt.Care about your appearance, but not too much. Don't smell better than we do. Don't use mousse or gel. You shouldn't look like you spend more time in front of the mirror than we do.

[FOURTEEN] Never get in bar fights. Patrick Swazye {rest his soul}might look cool in Road House, but in reality, bar fights are stupid and embarrassing. You don't look tough. You look like an idiot.

[FIFTEEN] Know how to mix our favorite cocktail just the way we like it. Fix your favorite too. Sit down on the porch (it's okay if you didn't build it), tell us how your day went, and we'll tell you about ours.

We'll leave the long list to the girl who falls in love with you.


okay, now that i've gotten all that off my chest. time for bed.

just because.




All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning. Great works are often born on a street corner or in a restaurant's revolving door. 
Albert Camus



Ah, mon cher, for anyone who is alone, without God and without a master, the weight of days is dreadful.
Albert Camus


One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving. 
Paulo Coelho


Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps she won't suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow. But when the person looks back--she will hear her heart.
Paulo Coelho


The dream was always running ahead of me. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the miracle.
Anais Nin



My ideas usually come not at my desk but in the midst of living.
Anais Nin



The moment of that kiss contained every happy moment I had ever lived.
Paulo Coelho




It is a common enough case, that of a man being suddenly captivated by a woman nearly the opposite of his ideal.
George Eliot

Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns. 
George Eliot



I like not only to be loved, but also to be told that I am loved. I am not sure that you are of the same kind. But the realm of silence is large enough beyond the grave. This is the world of light and speech, and I shall take leave to tell you that you are very dear. 
George Eliot



all photos
via the magnificent
tumbler, sabino.

and this idea of quotes
and pictures, but i find this blog
does it better than most.

oh and the lovely natalie post
the most perfect quote of all time
on her blog this morning.