the dr. i see for my eating disorder is the head of the eating and weight disorders program at a very prominent new york hospital. he is very good at his job.

once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl,

and her laughter was a question

he wanted to spend his whole life answering.

a history of love

nicole krauss

when i grow up.

the most darling camilla has been doing a wonderful series entitled "when i grow up" on her blog, champagne bubbles. and it has got me thinking. a lot. about what i want. and i figure that if men can't help looking at a gorgeous woman (and science will defend that for them), then i can't help dreaming about the future or googling photos of brooklyn brownstones.

so here is my list, as inspired by camilla and all the gorgeous woman who have submitted to her series:

i want a neighborhood cafe. around the corner. with strong lattes and fresh bread. i want to know the names of the faces behind the counter and i want them to know the names of my children.

i want early evening walks in the neighborhood and after-dinner story-time.

i want hard wood floors and floor-to-ceiling windows. banisters on the staircase and hallways of family photos. built in bookshelves and sprawling desks.

trees in the neighborhood.

i want season tickets to the closest baseball team.

i want to travel the world. to live in different countries. to speak spanish fluently. and dabble in a little french.

i want sharp knives, a kitchen aide mixer, and a large cuisinart.

i want saturday morning pancake breakfasts. and sunday nights spent in the kitchen as i listen to the hustle and bustle of everyone preparing for the week.

i want the love of my best friend and the promise of a whole life together.

i want things to get clearer. {a little, at least.}

i want the idea that will write the book.

i want to do what i love.

i want to love.

these photos are via google's image search.

i might just die for that kitchen.

i mean really?

look at it.

look at all the green out the window.

it may be small, but it might also be perfect.

he's just not that into you? or he is, but he just happens to be a guy?

i have a girlfriend who makes me laugh all the time.

when in our first year of college we both fell in love with boys who were anything other than meant-to-be, her friends gave her the book He's Just Not that Into You and she was an immediate convert who then went on to proselytize the importance of recognizing when...

well, when... he's just not that into you.

but lately. said friend's he's just not that into you advice has stood in direct opposition to my mother's advice--my mother who tells me to be patient and to relax. that men think differently--see things differently.

and while neither has completely illuminated the male mind for me, they've both shed a little light on how a female's age and experience influences their opinion of said mind.

experience. i guess that's the point. i just have to have the experience.

ps: there was a great article in the ny times magazine (i think?) on the new book by neuropsychiatrist louann brizendine, The Male Brain detailing just exactly how different the male brain is from our own--why it is they can't not look at the big tits in the tight t-shirt. i can't find the article online (i'll keep working on it) but i did find a great interview she did with elle. i particularly love what she says at the very end:

The thing that is awesome to me—which I see in my office with couples who come to me—I’ll ask her, “How do you know he loves you?” and she’ll say, “Because he wants to talk to me.” But when I ask him, he’ll say, “Because she wants to have sex with me.” Women don’t understand that men feel loved when you want to have sex with them—and if you reject them, it means you don’t love them. And if a man can’t verbally empathize with a woman when she feels unloved—they’re like ships passing in the night. That, to me, speaks volumes. Remember Beauty and the Beast? It’s from the song—first she gives a little bit, then he gives a little bit. That’s how you can start to see things from the other person’s point of view. That captures what’s been going on in my office for 25 years.

just a little something to think about.

the irish in me.

in preparation for the scottsdale wedding just a week and a half away, my cousin (and brother of the groom) has taken to tanning each and every day. readying himself for the arizona sun.

i, on the other hand, have taken to covering myself in copious amounts of foul-smelling self-tanner, in recognition that my fair irish skin does not like to be burned. ever. but a little glow would be nice.

happy st. patty's day!