when i saw you i fell in love,
and you smiled because you knew.
romeo and juliet
in quotes
on having my picture taken.
before beginning:
this is a continuation.
of a story.
about ned.
ned being my nasty,
little eating disorder.
sarah, myself, carolyn, and amanda
i thought it was about weight.
my anxiety about having my picture taken.
i thought it was about the weight.
thought it was that the pictures reflected what i couldn't admit to myself.
that i was fat.
i thought that was it.
but it wasn't. not really.
we were out on saturday night. my friends and i.
i with my little camera nestled deep into the folds of my go-to-black-bag (which has finally reached the critical point of looking just-worn-in-enough {but i digress}).
yes, i with my little camera. i who knew it was there. i who wanted to take it out. but couldn't.
until amanda (my infinitely wise roommate) asked where it was and began to do what i could not.
and it was there, in the bar on saturday night, perched on my stool, with prosecco in hand, that i stared at that little camera screen and declared, oh, i look like an adult.
but that wasn't quite right. that wasn't exactly what i meant to say. what i meant to say was, oh, there i am. that's me. that's me, happy. huh.
illumination ensued.
i realized it was not the reflection of fat i feared.
it was that i couldn't find myself.
it was that i saw instead this girl who was so sad. this shell of someone i once knew.
but now, after all this time, i am beginning to see the picture in its entirety. and it is one of such happiness.
yes, yes, i still see the bits and pieces--of course--my disappearing eyes and brand-new-renegade-cheek-mole (an audacious little thing it is!). but i can see beyond those things. beyond what i like and do not like.
and suddenly there i am. an adult (or so it would seem). and a happy one at that.
go figure.
in quotes
so you think that you're a failure, do you?
well, you probably are.
what's wrong with that?
in the first place, if you've any sense at all you must have learned by now that we pay just as dearly for our triumphs as we do for our defeats.
go ahead and fail. but fail with wit, fail with grace, fail with style. a mediocre failure is as insufferable as a mediocre success.
tom robbins
mamma
what better time to contemplate love than a friday?
in Love
lnote: {the quote} i first saw this via a couple featured on either once wed or 100 layer cake but now for the life of me i can't remember which one. i am passing it on to you via them and many others. {as for the video} i really just want to share the song (beauty by the shivers)and this was the least distracting video i could find. so turn it up and go about cleaning your room or surfing elsewhere. my roommate amanda just introduced me to it and now i have it on continuous play. i cannot stop. seriously.
somehow this pairing of quote and song just makes sense to me.
it just won't adhere to any rules.
the most any of us can do is sign
on as its accomplice. instead of vowing
to honor and obey, maybe we should
swear to aid and abet. that would
mean that security is out of the
question. the words make and
stay become inappropriate.
my love for you has no strings
attached. i love you for free.
tom robbins