in





later she remembered all the hours of the afternoon as happy--one of those uneventful times that seem at the moment only a link between past and future pleasure, but turn out to have been the pleasure itself.

F. Scott Fitzgerald (Tender is the Night)






something has happened...

in

i've been watching damages. the fx show with glenn close and rose byrne. you know it? you should. it's good. it's so good for so many reasons. particularly the first season. the writing, the editing, the colors, the way in which it unravels.

and somewhere amongst its twists and turns and unraveling i became startlingly taken with...wait for it...rose byrne's hair. oh, that hair! the highlights, the ombre effect that's become so popular this season. and suddenly i too, i too want highlights! never before have i felt the need to color my hair. well, okay there was that one time at the end of my fourth year that i did the bottle red and that was disastrous on every possible level, but i don't think my motives were as pure then. and good hair is all about pure motives, right?


the thing is, this need (because that's what it is) couldn't have come at a worst possible time. i don't have time for it. nor money. and yet, it's begun to consume me... suddenly hair everywhere is taunting me. and i like my color. i do, i really do. it's just that. well, that...a little lift to it, a few added dimensions...a little ombre, if you will, seems right up my alley.


clarity

in

there's this thing that happens when exhaustion takes hold, and i mean really takes hold. when you're so busy that the mind can't keep up--can't wrap itself around all that needs to be done.

things streamline. the mind figures it out what it needs to in any given moment. priorities shift. life drops in.

a job is a job is a job. it pays the bills. accept that. move on.

and insecurities and unnecessary quirks fall away. because you don't have time for them, or rather you don't have the energy to keep up with things that aren't authentically you. but it took becoming this busy, this you-want-to-burrow-in-bed-all-day-following-fourteen-consecutive-hours-of-jobs-that-pay-the-bills, for you to really get it--for you to drop into yourself all the more.

and you like the clarity that comes when the mind doesn't have the energy to over-think to the point of muddle.

so you soldier on. because this is all experience.