i hate the A train. let it be known: i HATE the A train.
(and i was in a terrible mood today).
uniquely enough the terrible mood had nothing to do with the A train. i say uniquely because usually the two are connected. {and yes, i just placed uniquely where a strangely normally lives--what can i say, i'm trying it out}).
i haven't always hated the A train.
though, to be fair, i should have seen this coming.
when i moved to new york (at the wee age of eighteen) i dated a guy who lived just off the A.
turns out i didn't really like the guy. really not after he gave me a key to his apartment (did i mention i was eighteen?). call me old-fashioned but i think the giving of the key is kind of a thing. a big thing.
i promptly broke up with him in a diner on the upper west side. i remember walking out. the weather was suddenly cooler, lovely. oh, pathetic fallacy! (yes, i just said pathetic fallacy. if you must know i adore that term and have been trying to get it onto this blogspot-lover-of-mine for ages).
and then of course there was that time on the A when at the ripe old age of nineteen the guy i was falling deeply and desperately in love with told me his girlfriend (i know) was moving in with him. or moving to new york for him. bad either way.
heartbreaking, actually.
this all was followed by a man who couldn't be bothered to get on the A train to pay me a visit. actually, that's not quite true. but that's what it felt like.
(god i hope none of the guys ever stumbles across this).
no, really, God that's a prayer i'm offering up to you right now.
the point is this: i hate the A train.
i hate that in the early mornings it more a shuffle-step-dance than train ride. i hate that it sits at 168th for far too long and crawls past 135th. i find it offensive that it calls itself express when the local gets from point a to point b in the same amount of time, all the while making far.more.frequent.stop.s. (don't believe me? try. i've converted more than my fair share of non-believers).
i've been thinking lately that, given my druthers, i might never ride the A again.
you see, for me, the long subway ride is symbol of my struggling life. taking a little too long, to get not so far.
but alas, the A is the train closest to home.
and so i remind myself that this phase of my life shall pass. and soon enough.
this struggle (to be replaced by another, i'm sure), this subway line, this apartment, in this corner of manhattan, this job, and that job, and that guy, and this frustration--it all passes.
all of it--including my bad mood or the feeling that i'm not good enough or thin enough or strong enough.
it is a seamless quilt moving flawlessly across this loom of a life. the colors and mistakes and unexpected strands provide depth, dimension, even a little...dare i say...flare.
and you know how i know? because my bad mood passed tonight.
it passed just as Sting sat down in front of me in the movie theatre. yes, that Sting. let it be known that i believe him to be one of the sexiest men alive. (all that yoga or something). though, when i told my dad he kinda scoffed and said, so what? all that means is he sat in front of you in a theatre.
but i saw it for what it was: a sign. that if i keep showing up, day after day, then given enough time, good things will come.
you see, Sting is my sign. his sighting--my little gift from the universe.
after all, wouldn't mind running into him on the A train.
oh God, please don't let this pop up in Sting's google alerts.
look again. that's not the turkey.
we had plenty of desserts planned for thanksgiving. we had the fruity desserts covered, the chocolatey, even the traditional.
there was no need for my ice cream pie concoction. but the ice cream pie has never been about need. it is about whimsy and delight.
and who doesn't need a little more whimsy in their life?
it may have ended up looking something like a turkey and weighing something akin to one, but let me tell you... it was good.
it's quite easy to make: a veritable dumping ground of anything cold and delicious. a pre-made graham cracker crust combined with three or four different flavors of ice cream and plenty of crushed toffee pieces (think heath bars {or skors}) layered after each different flavor. and voila! done. guaranteed turkey-day (or any holiday for that matter) success.
giving thanks.
in family
did i mention i had a lovely time away this thanksgiving? well, i did. despite the long travel to get there and back, i'd do it again in a heartbeat.
i was joined there by my mother, father, brother, two aunts, two uncles, two cousins, and one brand-new cousin-in-law (i think that's a term). not to mention the three dogs.
we spent much of our time cooking, eating, watching tosh.0 (which, oh goodness, did i love), and taking in the breathtaking scenery. yes, there was that one brief moment we thought my cousin had to go to the hospital because he had peed blood, but as it turns out too many beets can make your urine do some funny things .
i'm telling you, if i could figure out a reason to move to colorado, i just might.
fed: a goal for the week
i believe in making small goals. each week. little things: more water, an apple a day, and on and on and such and such.
eventually these goals build on each other. they snowball (and tis' the season, right?).
i returned from thanksgiving with a terrible case of the homesick-blues and just ever-so-slightly in a state of sugar shock.
i didn't feel as though i overrate this thanksgiving holiday, but i certainly ate more than normal. this is not to say i regret one thing i put in my body or that i'd change anything. the holidays is a time to indulge in things you might not normally have. why not?! i say!
but i do believe in balance (i am a libra, after all).
and returning to my own home, and my own kitchen, and my own city today i felt the need to balance my sugar-shock with something else.
so i set a goal.
this week i will reach for the unusual. i will step out of my comfort zone in terms of healthy foods. i won't rely on my old standbys.
so this morning i pulled the yellow bowl from my favorite set of dishes. in it i put a small container of greek yogurt (not using greek yogurt as a sour-cream-substitute {but as actual yogurt} is a big thing for me), blackberries, walnuts, and a little go lean crunch.
and then lunch found me at the whole foods bar noshing on red quinoa and an endive salad. i hated it at first, thought what have i done? but the more i noshed the more i felt my body thank me.
when i eat things that are really good for me (nutritionally speaking) i feel space open up within me. perhaps it's an imagined thing, but it's marvelous nonetheless. it as though my chest becomes a cavity filled with light and space and energy (am i getting too new age-y yet?).
so, do tell...have you a goal for the week? ( i want to know wether it's to write more often in your journal or sign up for the nearest singles's dodgeball league).
dear husband-to-be,
turns out i may not be so much of a city-gal as once was thought.
and i want the blinds pulled up, the curtains drawn, the windows open as much as possible.
i don't do well with dishes in the sink.
and i'll need you to remind me to do things every once-and-a-while, like pick up paper-toweling at the grocery store.
i want pictures everywhere and beautiful dishes.
and a garden outside. a yard, even.
i want the ability to obtain home-grown beef-steak tomatoes. (have you had them with garlic, balsamic vinegar and a little feta? nectar of the gods, i say. nectar of the gods).
will you be okay with these things?
that's all. for today. i suppose.