my manhattan: the wreaths are still up, but the resolutions are resolving and revolving.

stoop

still a bag lady

pop up stand

georgio's

chelsea market coffee

lost

it's that sacred time in new york when the decorations are scattered, the trees are finding their way once more to the sidewalk, but everything feels possible with the start of a fresh year and the blistering wind sweeping in off the river.

i'm feeling the newness of this year more than usual. so i put on heels today, have taken to drinking tea when i can--you see i am trying to live as the person i've always wanted to be.

but the thing is: i'm still half-way to a bag-lady. and i still lose things. all the time i'm having just lost my keys or my sunglasses or my metro card, and there i am stooping on the sidewalk so as to empty the contents of my many bags in search of the thing which i haven't really lost, but hell if i can find it.

some things never change. new year or not.

i think i'll look back on 2011 as the year i was made bold by a love of music and the weight of a camera against my chest:

noah&thewhale

beirut2

beirut1

johnny flynn 6




these are the songs that will tell the story of this year. these are the songs i carry in me. these are the songs that will remind me of my first-ever-concert in boston, the long cab-ride to brooklyn, how music marks time and makes circles, of all the things i learned in chicago this summer.

i will remember what song i was listening to when i took the subway downtown to face my greatest fear, my greatest love, to mark the passage of could-have-been lives.

it will be the beginning of the soundtrack for when i finally get around to making my own cameron crowe coming of age film.

this past year was magic. heartbreaking and difficult and monumental and heaven-sent in so many ways. i may not yet have the words to adequately sum it all up, and my photos may not do it justice, so until i take the time to hash it all out, i offer up these melodies...


christmas morning

christmas eve spread

christmas dinner

a vegetarian's plate

blue and yellow

mom's birthday dinner

dessert

menu on board

travel pack

skittles

christmas card?

it felt like there was so much to celebrate this holiday season. with my mother's 50th* birthday just days before christmas and an unexpected twist in my schedule that got me home to texas a little while longer than expected, with everyone's health in good stead, and the four of us being together for the first time since last december, it just felt like a really special few days at home.

my brother and i have long since passed the point of needing a lot of gifts under the tree--a point we keep emphasizing to our parents--a point that continuously falls on deaf ears. i began to wonder about this. we don't care about the gifts we'd say again and again. and again and again my mother and father would shake that off. we don't want you stay up all night wrapping and placing packages under the tree. go to bed, we'd continue. it was this year that revealed my parents like doing that stuff. they are the ones who aren't over it. they are the ones who care about the gifts and piling them up under the low-hanging branches of the evergreen. but it's not so much what's in the boxes that they care about--they enjoy the process. so, this year,  in order to make that happen they took to scavenging under all the sinks in our home for long-ago forgotten hair ties and boxes of toothpaste and who-even-knows-what-else. they separated packs of socks and wrapped each pair individually. my brother and i sat through the whole thing bewildered, watching as my mother and father nearly wet their pants from laughing so hard. it was so fun to see the roles reversed. so fun and so strange and so very, very different.

it was a holiday of renegade gifts, really good food (and wine), lots of games, and the people i most love in this world.

all in all, not bad. not bad at all.



*(the number my mother has now decided to go with. so we're gonna give it to her).




it's getting to the time of the year that i'm beginning to ponder new year's resolutions. 

did you know the french don't call it a resolution, but rather a wish?

a wish for the new year. 

i like that. 

(though, if i was to adopt a mantra, it might have to be the one above). 






the avett brothers