just so you know

the end of splen-da-ta-da-ta-da-ta-dem

in


I saunter into coffee shops now. My heels click-click-clicking against the cold, tiled floors. Breezily I approach the counter, toss my long, dark hair behind my shoulder, and order a coffee.

Black. With room for milk and sugar.

Then, with cup in hand, I walk slowly giving careful weight and time to each step. Generously I tick-tick-tock my hips from side to side. I want to make sure the eyes of every man in the room is upon me. I want each man to see what I’ll do next. I reach for the milk.

Pour, pour, drip.

And then, with deliberate care and a quite uncommon flare, I reach for…the sugar.

Real Sugar.

I lift the unassuming brown packet into the air. And then I shake.

Vigorously.

Shake, shake, rip.

Pour.

Shake, shake, rip.

Pour.

Into the coffee it falls.

My adventures in seltzer water and late night lemon runs has signaled the end of diet coke, and in turn the end of splenda.

I am now a girl who eats raw sugar.

Yes, that girl.

And never have I felt sexier.


about the beach...

in ,

....i went to the beach yesterday.



it was beautiful.

but the wind was a-blowin'.

and the waves were a-churnin'.

and the ocean and me had a knock-down, drag-out fight.

but i am a pacifist.

this is to say..

it was the ocean who knocked me down and dragged me out.

dragged me out good. 

so today, two days, after-the-fact...

i am still finding the most miniscule of sea shells plastered all over my body...

in the most unmentionable of places.



ahhhh...


i love the beach.

tuesday morning delivery.

in

sometimes i feel my body actually craving the expulsion of words. i feel them banging around in my chest cavity, pushing against my stomach and ricocheting off my collarbone. gestating like a child in the womb ready to be birthed. with not enough space, they squirm, trying to find a comfortable position. yet there is no comfortable position in this too-small-body that was only meant to be a temporary home.


but i don't yet know the child's name. and i have no idea what words i am ready to birth. all i know is, i am so full with them i feel as though i might explode.