Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts. | Edgar Allen Poe
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in quotes
on the things they don't teach you in school
at the age of twenty-one a famous american playwright with wide, strong hands will cup the back of your neck and in that instant illuminate sex as the space between absolute control and weak knees. let him.
and then at twenty-six when a man pushes your hair behind your ear for the first time in your life, enjoy it.
as you grow and mature the things you once valued will change and fall away. but they'll make perfect sense to the eight-year-old-version-of-yourself. and that's just as it should be.
as it turns out, semantics is important. words have meaning. and slight shifts and small subtleties between the things do make a difference.
don't trust anyone who doesn't know the meaning of doppelganger. or ellipses.
one day you'll live in a neighborhood where a man walks around with a cockatoo on his shoulder and a woman on the local train eats a payday candy bar by pulling the large peanuts from her mouth and flicking them beneath her train seat. you'll wonder why she bothered to buy a payday? why not a snickers or three musketeers? this will be an appropriate question.
one day you'll lose your favorite earring to the crevice of a man's couch. it'll be worth it.
you'll find that water and trees and mountains and sand will satisfy you in a way that concrete sidewalks never will. and that's okay. there is a time and a place for both.
you'll wake one morning, a product of all you've seen and done and known and you'll find yourself restored. childlike wonder in tact. the courage of your young self in tow. the deep-rooted belief in the beauty of all that's to come. and you'll continue on. because it's from there that you begin.
photo by Emma Hartvig
the conversation.
writing comes in fits and spurts. always.
i'm at the place now that i'm just looking for inspiration.
so instead of sitting down and writing this morning, i'm watching lifetime's the conversation, on the advice of my dear friend (and giantess among women) claire.
the show is startling. beautiful. women we've watched, women we respect, women spilling their truths, their hearts, their vulnerability.
you have to watch it.
letters for our daughters (Emma).
I spent some time with my eleven year old cousin last year for the first time (we've lived in different countries for most of her life), and came away from the experience absolutely, totally committed to her having a powerful, wonderful future. It scares me to know the kinds of obstacles and pain she's likely to face as a young girl growing into a woman over the next few years, and I'm disappointed that due to geographical distance, I'm not going to be able to be around to help support her in being strong in the face of those battles.
So I had a think about what I could do to provide something for her from a distance; what gift could I give her that would allow me to fulfil my commitment to her being supported and empowered as a female? The answer I came up with was: 'the combined wit, wisdom and wondrousness of all of the women of the world'
-Natasha
such began an email i got a few weeks ago that led me to the blog Letters For Our Daughters.
last night i began drafting my own letter but it's still in the fledgling stage and because the blog is already a favorite place to go for inspiration and enlightenment i thought i'd share one of my favorite letters to date.
Enjoy!
5. Emma
I have only one piece of advice to give, and it is a question. Many women ask themselves questions all the time: ‘Is that fat free? Have I fed my child only organic food? Am I being oppressed by a post-industrial capitalist patriarchy? What are cankles?’ And so on. While having a baby, I was given patchouli oil on a stick as pain relief. ‘That’, I thought to myself, ‘is bullshit.’ Shortly afterwards, I had diamorphine administered directly to my spine. I’m not telling you to try either of these, but quite by accident it provided me with the best of all questions, and my gift to you:
‘Is it bullshit?’
It can be easy to answer. But sometimes the bullshit can be hard to spot. Below, is my advanced checklist:
1. Does it make me happy?
If this is the case, carry on! It is therefore not bullshit, and no other questions need to be asked.
2. Do I have to buy anything?
You don’t have to buy stuff to feel good about yourself. This took me 20 years and an unfortunate couple of months wearing harem pants to work out. Ask yourself:
Do you feel unable to grasp what is happening in Syria unless it is explained next to a picture of some shoes? If so, you are reading Grazia magazine. Put it down.
Does the advertising feature a subliminal shot of Rachel Weisz jogging while pushing a buggy? It is definitely bullshit.
3. ‘The science bit’
People are going to tell you a lot of stuff that is definitely true because it is called science. You may be under the impression, as is the hair product industry, that you cannot ‘hear’ science unless, like a dog whistle just for ladies, it is related to you on the frequency of Jennifer Aniston. This is not science, this is bullshit.
Here is my checklist:
Do 9 out of 10 women agree, or has it actually been subject to a double-blind, randomized placebo controlled test?
If it’s a book telling you how to raise your kids, is it a part of a long term academic study at an accredited university? No? Is it actually just someone telling you shit that they think?
Does the book contain a soft-lit picture of the author resting their chin on their hands and wearing something floral? Yes? They are a maniac.
4. Does it make me feel like crap?
You do not get Lady Points for physical or emotional pain. Look out for this:
Is your partner a) Horrible or b) Nice? Make your mind up. Don’t put up with a).
Is it about childbirth? Does the word ‘natural’ actually mean ‘slightly better at being a woman’? This is weapons grade bullshit. Do what you want.
Is it on the Daily Mail’s website? Are you reading it ‘just for the celebrity news?’ In 14 countries outside the EU this is classified as self-harm. Don’t make me stage an intervention.
5. Does it keep me at home when I would rather not be?
It is possible that the current mania for home cooked and homemade everything… may just be about keeping you at home. I have come to know this as Homemade Bunting Bullshit. If you like to knit your own yoghurt then I love you, you are a hero. But personally, if somebody tells me to pipe home cooked lemon curd into my madeleines, I expect that to be a euphemism.
So there you are. Don’t worry! Just have a good time and know bullshit when you see it. And don’t wear harem pants.
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in quotes
Accept yourself. Love yourself just as you are. Your finest work, your best movements, your joy, peace, and healing come when you love yourself. You give a great gift to the world when you do that. You give others permission to do the same: to love themselves. Revel in self love. Roll in it. Bask in it, as you would the sunshine. | Melodie Beattie