lying there, wide awake as he slept, she angled herself close, put her nose right up under his mouth. and there she remained, all night, fed by the sweet breath that sleep slipped out.
when just the right guy happens to smile at
just the right moment and
it just so happens he's smiling at you and
he's caught you mid-laugh
and all of it,
all of it is just enough
to keep you going.
she'd been feeling like she couldn't rub two good days together to save here life.
there'd be one--one good, passable, livable day.
followed by a rush in of three or four others. days that recalled an older time. a time well-passed, once-lived, and tremulously difficult.
but then there'd be another good one.
and so the cycle went.
and there were just enough good ones to make it all survivable, bearable, perfectly withstand-able.
but there was a sense of treading water. and while the pull of the waves seemed gentle and harmless with her head above peek-a-boo caps, she knew the rhythmic bob belied the actual pull.
the difficulty was, to keep her eyes on the horizon? or to give in? was there redemption to be found in surrendering to the undertow--would the very thing she feared get her to where she most needed to go?
everyone kept telling her to be more careful this go round.
she kept telling them she wasn't the same person.