the staving off of white.

maybe i have some gray hair. and maybe i've had it since the eighth grade. maybe i can't listen to nick drake without crying. and maybe there are moments that i think i'll never be pretty enough. never thin enough. maybe i'm selfish. and maybe i'm shy. maybe i'd sit on nothing but barstools for the rest of my life if given the chance. the kind with the red, plush, round top. the kind that spins. maybe the thing i'm most afraid of is not being able to write. the absence of words on a page. and maybe i'm trying. and maybe i'm failing. and maybe and maybe. and a maybe this life is nothing more than the chasing of light through the physical body.