FED: small victories. and shifting priorities!

i took the bus back from new jersey in the late afternoon on satuday. i wanted to take a physique class before the delicious quiet and day of rest that is sunday.

i don't remember much about the class. except that, it was crowded and i stood next to some girl who must have been a dancer. i know this because when we were working on our seats (butts and surrounding territory) and we have to shoot our leg out from the side of our body and mine starting shaking and didn't want to get anywhere close to the necessary position she just popped her's right out there. i mean...it was like...shoop. and i was like...oh, shit.

but what strikes me most about that class is that afterwards i devoured my post-class-new-tradition green apple.

i don't like apples. they're not my thing. never have been. but the studio has them in a glass bowl and i know that they're good for me and (let's be honest) wanting to get my money's worth, i always grab one. i usually suffer through about half of it. suffer, no? but survive. i eat as much as i can handle. and then i move one.

but on saturday evening i was thirsty. really thirsty. and i'd just read some article about eating more water (yes, eating) and knowing those little green suckers were chock-a-block full of the stuff i reached for one, sunk my teeth in, and oh the delicious juice-filled-thing that it was! i enjoyed it in the lobby, waiting for the elevator, during the ride down to the street.

one one of the eight floors between physique and the lobby another girl hopped on--she too with green apple in hand. i recognized her from class. i wasn't (and still am not) sure why she was on another floor and my confusion led way to conversation. and she asked me how long i'd been taking classes and where i come from to get there. and then of course, the question that everyone asks, had i seen results. 

and i understand the question. i do. i get it.

i politely side-stepped it with, you know. yes, i'm sure. but i'm trying very hard not to focus on that.

what i really wanted to say was, i'm enjoying this apple! loving it, in fact! i'm halfway to the core, my usual stopping-spot, and i'm gonna keep going. this is the success--this is the result--this green apple, right here, and my LOVE for it! 

there's always a moment in class when the instructor asks us to reconnect with the reason we came today. asks us to imagine how we want our seat to look in our jeans--how long and lean we want our arms to be and on and on and such and such. and i'm inevitably the girl in the corner, pulsing my squats--legs shaking away--thinking: bone density, bone density. i'm building bone density! or my heart, my heart. i'm strengthening my heart--reducing my risk for heart disease, obesity, diabetes and on and on and such and such.

don't get me wrong. i want those long, lean limbs. and yes, i want the seat that looks dang good in my blue jeans. but if that's what i think about in that moment that class gets really hard, well, i'd stop. because those reasons alone are just not good enough. they just don't do it for me. but, my health? well, that's another story all together. hell, i'd pulse those squats to kingdom-come to keep my heart pulsin' on its own.

and so i may not be able to measure how how much bone density i've gained, but i can see how my love for a green apple has shifted. and holy moly, that's something.