i want to take my makeup off every night before bed. i want to floss my teeth just as often as is recommended. i want to wear high heels. or not. i want a little garden. whether it be mounted on a wall, contained in a window-box, or a full backyard plot, i want my own greens. want to mark time by their progress. want to pick them fresh for dinner. i want to bike to the farmer's market. i want to like green tea. or not. but drink it anyway. i want my food to be rich in the colors of the earth. i want to live near the water. or the mountains. or both. i want to pray and give thanks beneath trees that reach upward and out. i want balance. balance between investing in all the right things and paying attention and putting in the work and then letting it go and not giving two shits. i want to turn off the lights when i leave a room. and i want to find a partner who can honor that. i want pictures everywhere. frames everywhere. i want the words hung right up there on the wall. i want to wake early. to move my body because it's good for my heart. because it keeps me light and kind. i want breakfast in bed on saturday mornings. and fresh flowers and gifts for no reason at all. i want to be the kind of friend who honors commitments, takes the time to make the call, sends ridiculous emails just because, who speaks truly and freely, and plans birthday trips to paris. i want to wear colorful socks and knee-length skirts. bright lipstick and my hair in a high bun. i want to never go another six-year-period without owning a pair of bluejeans. i want to return to a bar just because i thought the bartender was cute. and i want to sit late into the night, as darkness folds over itself, falling in love, if only for a morning.