20 minutes

do you know that feeling when you're out at a party or out on the town and you have the thought, it's time to go home. i have to go home now. 
which really means: GET ME INTO BED! IMMEDIATELY!!!
i find that the thought always comes (for the first time) about twenty minutes after i should have already been in bed. which means by the time i actually get there it's like an hour and a half after i should fallen asleep. and for that hour and a half my mood, my actions, my very existence is a tenuous thing.
that's kind of how i feel about my life right now. i'm finally moving in a direction. i've finally made choices. and now that i've made them i'm all: GET ME OUT OF HERE!! Get me into that new apartment! Get me off of this A train! Get me a job that has really meaning! Get me a life that is together and meaningful! Enough, ENOUGH of this waiting and trudging and rolling about in the muck. 
remember the other day how i wrote about the need for patience?
{thank goodness for good and kind friends and unplanned midweek brunches that settle me, if only for a moment}.