daydreaming on the train

8418107594_5022539080_z i thought you sat down on the train next to me today.

for a moment, i thought you sat down next to me.

{and i couldn't breathe.}

there was something about how the man shifted in his seat and held his hands and tugged at his sweater that made me think he might be you.

and i looked up at his reflection in the subway window across the way and right away i could see it wasn't you.

{and a little bit of air escaped between my lips.}

but damn if the way in which he tilted his head didn't feel like you.

and so i nearly didn't believe it--couldn't believe it. so much did i both want and need and fear he might be you that i made liars of my eyes.

and sitting there, next to a total stranger, i nearly reached for his knee, nearly pressed my shoulder into his, half-expected him to take my hand.

because if all i could get was a shadow of you, a ghost of you, an i'll-just-close-my-eyes-and-pretend-version-of-you i'd take it.

if i couldn't have you, i'd take someone who felt like you--even, and if only, for a moment.

i'd take ten minutes, on the train, next to a total stranger, and a sliver of a daydream.