Back in February I went out on a whim on a Wednesday night. With two friends, Keira and Michelle (the names are important here, so take note).
We went to a swanky bar in midtown and I was out of my depth after about five minutes. Mostly because swanky bars in midtown are not my scene. Something about guys with slicked-back hair and removable wedding rings.
There was a guy there. And I WAS NOT INTERESTED. But Keira dragged him over and before I knew it he was chatting with me and somehow I was, in the moment, agreeing to give him my email, which then became my number as soon as he pulled out his phone. And in such moments it's really easier to go with the flow. And then disentangle later, but before it comes to anything.
So when the next day he messaged to say lets get a glass of wine, I lied. Because I din't want to get a glass of wine with him (I don't owe him, or any guy a cup of coffee or a glass of wine or a dinner out of "politeness"). But I lied because I figured instead of saying, Hey dude, I'm really not interested and I didn't say so last night, I might as well make it seem like I'm with someone else. Preserve the pride of all parties involved--sort of.
I have struggled for years to adequately describe just why it is so difficult to date in this city.
There are not words enough. Or, not the right words.
But from now on I'm just going to present the above image as explanation...as evidence of the sort of men we're working with.
So go ahead. Take another look at it. Now that you know most of the story.
1. Oh you thought we got along well? Oh you didn't think an invitation to go out with you could stir a negative reaction?! BULLY FOR YOU!! BUT THE GIRL HAS JUST SAID SHE IS WITH SOMEONE ELSE (forget for a second that is not true--he does not know that). AS IF YOUR OPINION OF HOW WE GOT ALONG IS THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS.
I chose not to respond with this--simply not worth it. I've met enough of these guys to know that any negative response will only serve to egg them on.
So 2. after the lack of my response he writes again asking for my second friend's number. On the same day, he asks. (Time stamp).
I mean, some could argue that the guy has gusto and good for him for going for it. But what his "going for it" tells me is that HE IS NOT DISCERNING. He doesn't care who he beds, so long as he beds someone. And quickly. And therein lies the issue with so very many men on this island.
It's worth saying, though, that there are exceptions. Of course, there are. Good ones do exist (truly they do). They are simply much, much (MUCH) harder to find. But holy heck, when you find one, there's not really anything like it.