love, love, love.

{vic and i remembering to take a picture just as we were saying goodbye. it was freezing last night, can you tell?}

i spent this weekend celebrating valentine's day in the best possible way:

with my girlfriends.

saturday night brought a wine bar followed by dinner followed by sweet treats.

we spoke of boys and success and fear and all those things so important to women in their twenties who are learning and working and figuring it all out.

and when i got home. i turned out my lights, got into bed, and thanked the universe for the love of good women--for their insight and understanding, their strength and support.

and when i talk about my girlfriends yes i mean erin and vic who shared their saturday with me and angela who i always see on sundays and so many others, but you all too--you all who read this silly thing and leave comments that continuously floor me. you all who challenge me and make me want to work harder and fight harder and love more.

so thank you.

and a very merry valentine's day to you.

guide to getting it on: a belated thank you

i've been going through a funk of sorts.

and it's lasted entirely too long. 

getting out of bed has been hard.

today (the first day off in two weeks) was spent doing nothing but reading. in bed.  it was perfection.

but now i know it's time to move on. to get out of bed. and live like a normal person. 

and check things off my list.

so this is way overdue, but better late than never.

remember this post?

well, paul joannides made good on his promise. and i now have guide to getting it on: sixth edition.
i know you're not meant to judge a book by its cover, but i love the new cover! i can't wait to peruse the pages and see what's new. when paul offered to send me the book he also sent along a lovely email...

Life can be--uh--interesting for new grads.

Now, just wondering. What college did you graduate from, with what degree, and if you have a job, what sorts of things are you doing? Oh, and if things are different in the world of love and sex than they were when you were in college, in what ways are they different.

Sorry to be so nosey, but while I'm pretty familiar with the situation on college campuses, a lot of you more or less drop off the face of the planet the first couple of years out of college, and it's helpful for me to know the kinds of issues you are facing so I can be more sensitive to it.

I can remember how awful it was for me, but that was so far back in time we humans were still egg-layers. I would think it would be wonderful if there were some way for the transition to be fun and exciting--but I've also heard some horror stories about young guys going to work on Wall Street for next to nothing, living in a 5-story walk-up studio that's barely big enough for them and the cockroaches.

Then again, I'm sure there are other recent grads who are in a good situation, good job, and are having a blast.

So any thoughts or observations you might have for me would be wonderful, not that you aren't blogging about that.



Well, as most of you know I'm a Juilliard grad with a BFA in theatre.

 I work six days a week, earning next to nothing, and just barely cover the rent of my one bedroom apartment (I live in the living room--so my roommate and I basically don't have a common area). 

I have found the transition from college to the real world to be near impossible (of course the economy has not made it any easier). And even though I go through periods where it's hard to get out of bed, I do love my life. Thoroughly and deeply I do. The best thing about leaving school has been the realization that endless opportunities abound. I get to choose who my friends are, what I do with my day, and I am responsible for the creation of art. So life is hard. Near impossible most days. But good. And thank goodness for that. 

Now as for the romance....I've been on one blind date since I've graduated. That's it. Match. com is looking better every day. Any suggestions, Paul? Where should I go to meet men?

And as for the bloggers out me give Paul some info. What was your transition like after college? And the dating scene in the years after school...what was that like for you?

thank you...or so i feel.

how can i thank you all for your unbelievably kind comments? your unwavering support. your understanding of something that is so far beyond understanding?

perhaps our greatest strengths lie in those things we think make us weak? perhaps it's all a matter of perspective?

one of the very first things i did at juilliard was attend a memorial service for a drama student who had been killed the year before. it was devastating. and i cried. i didn't know the girl, but i cried for lost love and lost life and lost beauty.

one of her classmates read the following during the service and i'll forever carry it with me.

my blogspot address (or-so-i-feel) is taken from it. so, as a thank you i want to share this once more (it was one of my very first ever posts {back when i had not a clue what i was doing or getting myself into}) but it's worth it to post it all over again...

A Poet's Advice

e. e. cummings

A poet is somebody who feels, and who expresses his feelings through

This may sound easy. It isn't.

A lot of people think or believe or know they feel—but that's
thinking or believing or knowing; not feeling. And poetry is
feeling—not knowing or believing or thinking.

Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know, but not a single
human being can be taught to feel. Why? Because whenever you think
or you believe or you know, you're a lot of other people: but the
moment you feel, you're nobody-but-yourself.

To be nobody-but-yourself—in a world which is doing its best, night
and day, to make you everybody else—means to fight the hardest
battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

As for expressing nobody-but-yourself in words, that means working
just a little harder than anybody who isn't a poet can possible
imagine. Why? Because nothing is quite as easy as using words like
somebody else. We all of us do exactly this nearly all of the
time—and whenever we do it, we are not poets.

If, at the end of your first ten or fifteen years of fighting and
working and feeling, you find you've written one line of one poem,
you'll be very lucky indeed.

And so my advice to all young people who wish to become poets is: do
something easy, like learning how to blow up the world—unless you're
not only willing, but glad, to feel and work and fight till you die.

Does this sound dismal? It isn't.

It's the most wonderful life on earth.

Or so I feel.

the photo is from on of my absolute
 favorite blogs, Una Bella Vita A Beautiful Life...
the images and quotes always move me.

A very belated thank you.

The very lovely shill, al la (love, shill) designs really gorgeous pieces of jewelry. I was so lucky that at the end of the year she sent some my way and yesterday I got to give Naomi her share of the loot. You know what really makes a tea party? Pretty, pretty jewelry. So thank you, thank you Shill...more pictures will follow for sure, but for now here's a sampling and a first attempt at using paintbrush (I learned to type in middle school because of instant messaging and I have a feeling I'm going to pick up design skills thanks to blogging!).

Check it out at love, shill