so blogging and morality...


i asked the questions. mulled over all your gorgeous and insightful and contradictory but still valid responses and this is what i came up with:



i don't know.


that's my answer.

i don't know.

the decision of what to share, how much, to what extent--it's personal. and it's day to day.

that's about as much as i know.

i'm gonna have to assume that guys google. facebook stalk. use technology to dig around a little.

the next time i enter into a relationship i'm gonna be really honest. and upfront:

i write. i write about my life. and if you choose to play a part in my life...well, continue at your own peril.

if he chooses to read the blog. great.

but he has to tell me.

because the blog has to then be a discussion--something we talk about so that i'm sure he gets the whole story. straight from the horse's mouth. otherwise we run the risk of him reading it--thinking something's about him when it's not. (and this situation played out in about a thousand other variations).

he has to give me a chance to explain some things: just because i write about love and marriage doesn't mean these are things i necessarily want right now.

the blog can never substitute for face to face conversation.

(actually, on that note i'm doing away with all texts and phone messages as a means of conveying anything of any import. because what is life but one massive game of telephone tag, anyway? and the technology is just one more degree of distortion. you know? i might even transport myself back to the 1800's when letter writing was the truest form of courtship. everything that needed to be said could be. on paper. in ardent language. because, let me ask you this, how can like or lust or love be talked about using anything less than ardent language? but i digress.)

the point is. the blog has done so much good for me. i really like the blog. and my mom's right and so i don't think i'll ever again change something i've published because some guy takes offense to it.

but i have to learn that the blog is not my first form of defense. or communication.

and because i tend to go quiet when i most need to say something, i can get myself into trouble. holding it in. getting it out only later by taking pen to paper (or in this case fingers to clickable keys).

some things need to be said. aloud. face to face.

so, okay. i will try that. and if it means i carry around a little spiral pad and golf pencil and sit there across from him and write what i cannot say, well then, so be it.

because i'm working on it.

the point is, at the end of the day we must answer to our own moral standards. and share that with which we are comfortable. and go with the gut. and realize that sometimes we'll fail, but such is life. and hell, it's worth a go.

blogging and morality. i have some questions.


my mother has decreed if ever i'm to date a man again (and one can hope) that i'm not to tell him i have a blog.

i think this foolish. after all, one google search of my name and it'd be all over.

my mother thinks men don't google.

i think in this era of facebook, they most certainly do google.

i've always been honest on my blog. but i do concede that it is my version of honest--my version of a truth. and therefore half the story (and admittedly a very skewed half).

and so my question is:

where is the line between what is our's to share and what belongs to someone else, even if they are inextricably bound to our own story?

where is the line between what we would write if the person in question were never to see it and between altering our content because of said person?


and as for dating:

is one to tell the guy about the blog?

should the guy then read the blog?

and what moral imperative is there for that guy to reveal the extent to which he reads it?


because it isn't a diary. it's a public forum. as i was recently reminded. and that's true.


my mother is so funny. the other night she told me that the moment i start editing my words for a guy i lose a little bit of myself. and then chastised that i should probably not write some of the things i do in the first place. this one-sided argument (on her end) ping-ponged across these two extremes for about five minutes before i, utterly confused, disentangled by telling her i'd call tomorrow.


someone recently asked why i choose to blog. what was the original impetus. and i said, well why does a person perform a play for an audience as opposed to alone, in their room?

but that's not really an answer. so here goes: i began the blog because it held me accountable. i didn't want to present an image of a person struggling with great sadness. the blog forced me to see things in a more positive light. reminded me to take things with a grain of salt and encouraged laughter. and as i cultivated those aspects of myself in my little corner of the internet they began to spill over into my life.


but as i find happiness, as life slowly comes back, how does one balance the line between privacy and truth?

i need your help (or at least your questions)




inspired by this post by the remarkable kathleen and then again after reading a blog about how to make one's blog better (and goodness knows, that i do want that), i have decided to do a post about me to provide some background to new and old readers alike.

and i thought...well, if there's anything you want to know. ask me. and so your questions will be my launching pad.

this is my way of saying: ask away, i'm an open book (for the most part).

tonight we had what some might call a summit. a blog summit, that is.




ahhh--hem (throat clearing): the free dictionary defines a summit as "a conference or meeting of high-level leaders, usually called to shape a program of action" 

Some famous summits you might have heard of: 
Chamberlain-Hitler 
Kennedy-Krushchev 
Reagan-Gorbachev 

Well tonight was another one for the books:

The program of action we discussed?
how to unleash the full potential of our feminine wiles without actually  obliterating all the men in our path...because our wiles are just that strong

As evidenced by the photo we were all business.