first dates and such.

have i ever told you how very much i like parks and recreation?

i do. a lot. because it's about good people trying to do good things by actually doing...well-meaning things (and if you think about this premise, it's a pretty rare one on television).

anywhoo, one of my very favorite episodes is one in which the main character (leslie) has to go on a first-date.

and since i'm entering that period of my life (albeit, a little behind the curve) where i'm actually open to the possibility of first-dates i thought i'd share:

leslie: what if he shows up with another woman? what if one of my sleeves catches on fire and it spreads rapidly. what if instead of tic tacs i accidentally pop a couple of ambien and i have to keep punching my leg to stay awake?

ann (her best friend): those are all insane hypotheticals and i promise you they won't happen.

leslie: they have all happened. all of these have happened.

{cut to interview-style}
uh, no, there's more. one time i accidentally drank an entire bottle of vinegar. i thought it was terrible wine. once i went out with a guy who wore 3-d glasses the entire evening. oh, one time i rode in a sidecar on a guy's motorcycle, and the sidecar detached and went down a flight of stairs. another time i went to a really boring movie with a guy and while i was asleep he tried to pull out one of my teeth. i literally woke up with his hand in my mouth. we went out a couple times after that but then he got weird.