and without even realizing it, i begin to swim towards a memory. through the blue, light refracting in water. and it feels just beyond my reach. always beyond my reach.
a tip-of-the-tongue memory i cannot place.
and it is then that i think i must have known you in another life. in many before this one. that we've been tied together so many times. that each separation has confused and muddled the line where you end and i begin. that each separation has seen you carry parts of me away, with you, into other lives and worlds. and i've taken some of you. and in missing you now, i'm missing those parts of myself. those bits you absconded with when last we met.
i'm wondering now if we may not just get it really wrong in this life. but if we haven't done brilliantly in some before. or may not do better in many to come.
i may be at a loss. i may be feeling a loss. but i need only unearth and draw upon the parts of you i snuck away with. wholeness. holiness.
perhaps the memory i'm swimming towards is something ancient. perhaps it hasn't yet been made. perhaps it'll be another half-smile that'll restore and return me to myself.